Blowjobs are a lot like cricket:
They're fun to do, but boring to watch...very boring.
As I have not bust a nut in nearly 3
months I have trawled the interwebs many times over – looking under
every rock and through every cache dump for good porn that I have not
already seen. I feel much like those hard pushed trawler men,
squeezed by EU regulations and despairing over the depleted stocks –
they work the same land, float over the same space, and come up with
the same shit, maybe many times over.
I had to get a man out to look at my
light today as Party Time in one of his Tarzan moods jumped off the
stairs from halfway up caught hold of the light and tried to swing
across the hall on it – or that's probably what he thought would
happen in his cave-painting-rendered mind's eye, - but what he
achieved in doing in the 3d dimensions was pull the light, the
fitting, and a big square of plaster board down on top of himself.
Now there is a big hole in the ceiling where a bat got through last
night. I screamed the house down when I saw it. I am afraid of things
that can fly. I screamed to Party Time, “Catch it! Catch it,” and he,
the big mongoloid, gets his lead pellet rifle out from his sports bag
and shoots after the thing, round and round and round the room in
circles. I hit the deck and lil Gore Vidal, the cat, got a round
right in the foot.
When he got it at last, right through
the middle, the thing conveniently fell straight in the empty fish
tank that sits on the mantle. Party Time, with great haste, like he
were handling a bomb that were gonna go off any second, took the fish
tank up and took it out the front door and threw it into the street
with a loud smash.
- What the fuck are you doin? - went I.
- Gatling rad of dad bat. It bad luck in
thah hase! - said Party Time, matter of factly.
The bastard had completely ruined my
living room. All the pictures were smashed, three of my records had
had rounds put through em, poor lil Gore Vidal the cat had a sore
foot and the walls had god knows how many holes right the way around
– so much so I got the impression temporarily I were standing
INSIDE a teabag.
- Party Time! You have destroyed my
house! And when the man comes round from housing to fix the
light you broke he is going to see the state of the place and have me
turfed outta here!!
- Ah am sarah, Danny. But ah hove plan – wot wah yast tah dah back hame – after a shat-at and be-fore thah
5-0 came ovah!
- Oh God in heaven help me, - I
shuddered...
I fell down into my lovely big
armchair, trying to ignore the various yellow foam spewing wounds all
over the material. I could feel, at my back, over half a dozen rounds
lodged in the stuffing. I nearly cried, too, when I remembered there
is this dark brown slime that has started coming up into the toilet from the
drains. Every time it happens its accompanied by this faint howling. I got a medium pal of Mother's fancy man Nirab round to investigate and she told me the
place is overrun by demons...
So I stuck this un on the turntable,
cos it were the closest to hand and conveniently expressed how I were
feeling...
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